Three Little Piggies (of the Premiership)

Once upon a time there were 3 little pigs. They were sly, they were greedy and they were all pretty dim

One day, the 1^st little pig, Wayne, told his best friend, his football agent, “I would like to earn a huge amount more money then I already do, even though I am considered a legend at Man United and have everything I’ve ever wanted” he said.

“Very well,” said his agent. “We will go to your manager Alex’s office and we’ll huff and we’ll puff and we’ll demand a new contract! If he won’t budge, we’ll threaten to move to that other team across the City with money to burn, and then he will pay!”

The 2^nd little pig, Carlos, said to his best friend, his football agent, “I would like to earn even more money then I currently earn, which is already even more than I left my previous club on the other side of the City for,” he said.

“Very well,” said his agent. “We will go to your manager Roberto’s office and we’ll huff and we’ll Puff and we’ll demand a new contract! If he won’t budge, we will claim you are homesick and threaten to leave, and then he will pay!”

The 3^rd little pig, Fernando, told his best friend, his football agent, “I would like to earn even more money than I have ever dreamt of earning, and leave the club I once professed to loving to boot!” he said.

“Very well,” said his agent. “We will go to your manager Kenny’s office, and we’ll huff and we’ll puff and we’ll demand a new contract! If he won’t budge we will threaten to leave and go to a club in London who have money to burn, and then he will pay!”

So the 1^st little pig and his agent went to see his manager Alex, and they huffed and they puffed but he could not get a new contract! So Wayne's agent said, “Fine we will leave and go to the team across the City, who have money to burn!”

“Don’t be so stupid!” said Alex, and begrudgingly handed over a bigger contract for the piggy to sign.

The 2^nd little pig and his agent then went to see his manager Roberto, and they huffed and he puffed but he could not get a new contract either! So Carlos’s agent said, “My client is homesick and we are leaving for home today!”

“Don’t be so stupid” said Roberto, and begrudgingly handed over an even bigger contract for the piggy to sign.

The 3^rd little pig and his agent then went to see his manager, Kenny, and they huffed and they puffed, but he could not get a new contract either! So Fernando’s agent said, “My client is wanted by a club in London who have cash to burn, so we will leave!”

“Don’t be so stupid” said Kenny, but to the 3^rd little pigs’ surprise, he didn’t offer him a super-doper new contract!

“So will you stay or will you go?” asked Kenny

“Er I don’t know. I expected a new contract so now I’m confused” said the pig.

"Well you have until 11pm tonight to decide, either stay at the club you 'love' or take the money and run. You decide.”

The End
(Well, not quite).