For tweets sake, CA

It's pretty easy to take offence at things these days. 

Take England's warm-up match at Alice Spring last week for example, where an over-sensitive Cricket Australia censored the public address announcer for - allegedly - pronouncing Monty Panesar's name with a faux-Indian accent. 

Oh yes, Cricket Australia. The same beacon of morality and promoter of cultural diversity that - on day one of the second Ashes Test at the Adelaide Oval – tweeted a picture of four Sikh gentlemen dressed up as Teletubbies accompanied by the caption, "Will the real Monty Panesar please stand up?!"

 

It was a communication that was deleted less than an hour later, as English and Australian cricket lovers responded to the tweet with shock and anger.

 

Whilst it's clear that no malice was intended - Cricket Australia later apologising for any "offence caused," - the point is that the tweet was crass in the extreme, and follows a list of unsavoury events that have already taken place on and off the field in this series, and comes after both captains had pledged to clean up the sledging in the middle this week.

 

What chance do players have when administrators are setting such a moronic example?

 

How Cricket Australia felt it would be acceptable to post a picture of four Sikh's - dressed as children's entertainers or otherwise - and suggest that one of them must be Monty Panesar simply by virtue of the fact that he too is a Sikh, is baffling. The picture wasn’t even taken at the ground, so a pre-meditated decision to produce the tweet was taken, rather than it simply being a reaction to events unfolding on the day.

 

“Cricket Australia deemed the conduct of the PA announcer as inappropriate and as such he will take no further part in the match,” Cricket Australia said of the incident at Alice Spring less than a week ago. It makes the conduct of their Twitter account operator in Adelaide even more perplexing and out of step with company protocol – such as it is.

 

Social media presents an interesting conundrum to 21st century culture. Corporations and companies can communicate one-to-one with their customers with it, and that is of huge benefit to both their business and their customers’experience.

 

Many will say that by providing quotes, stories and pictures as a game unfolds, Cricket Australia are enhancing the experience of their fans who can't get to the grounds but want to be kept abreast of the action nonetheless. In posting quirky pictures, fans are given a greater narrative than ever before. We should be grateful of the service, of course.

 

But with this power comes inevitable responsibility. Twitter is awash with users that have their followers roaring with laughter as much as being well informed by their analysis. Cricket is no different, and it’s easy to see why organisations like Cricket Australia want to entertain in a quirky, off-the-wall manner as, we presume, was the intention here.

 

But #TeleTurbanGate is not just a case of Ashes banter. It’s ignorant and offensive, and really ought to be punished by the organisation.

 

This Ashes series is finely poised, finer in truth than at any stage during the English summer series that the hosts won 3-0. 

Australia are pumped up and want to win – I get that. I don’t particularly mind that Australia skipper Michael Clarke told England’s Jimmy Anderson to, “Get ready for a broken fucking arm,” I mean, it’s a little embarrassing for Clarke to be goading an opponent like that when his team was so dominant in the match, but that’s Pup’s look-out.

 

But ignorance of the kind shown in publishing this tweet really is disappointing, and another disciplinary issue that Cricket Australia now has to respond to. Whilst it’s clear there was no malice intended, it was ill-judged and in poor taste. 

Given recent events, Cricket Australia’s leaders really need to act decisively in response to this.

 

India v England: Finn a Shoo In For Kolkata

England’s momentum-shifting victory in Mumbai, the sort that South Africa’s Hashim Amla has patented in recent months, means that both India and their visitors go to Kolkata hopeful of victory in the third of this levelled four match series.

If anything, England go into the third Test as slight favourites. Monty Panesar and Graeme Swann took 19 wickets between them in Mumbai, the most from an English spinning duo since Laker and Lock took 19 New Zealand wickets at Headingly in 1958.

Kevin Pietersen was named Man of the Match in Mumbai for his stunning 186 that destroyed India’s bowling attack. Ravchandrani Arshwin may have inspired some fear in England’s batsmen before this series started, but his wickets have gone for an average of nearly 60 runs apiece so far in the series, and that’s not good enough for any front line bowler.

Pietersen took the game away from India, a display of aggressive, game-changing batting that has mostly eluded this England team for much of 2012, but which will be required to complete a famous series victory in India this year

Indian captain Mahendra Singh Dhoni meanwhile seems determined to give Arshwin and Pragyan Ojha every chance of spinning England out, requesting (demanding?) a wicket that spins from ball one at Eden Gardens. India will serve up a pitch that has been used for a four day domestic Ranji match just two weeks ago for the Test starting on Wednesday, a step that resulted in pitch Curator Prabir Mukherjee requesting a letter of authorisation from the BCCI before delivering the pitch.

Dhoni’s desire to arm his spinners with a pitch that’s conducive to their skill sets may be counterproductive to his side however, as Swann and Panesar caused more problems and, bottom line, took more wickets than their Indian counterparts in the last test.

From England’s perspective, despite their astonishing ten wicket victory in Mumbai, changes are expected.

Ian Bell has re-joined the squad following the birth of his first child. His return to the side would mean Samit Patel or Jonny Bairstow miss out.

Given that England have abandoned their flawed plan to use Patel as a second spinner, and that Bairstow’s batting in the warm-up matches of this tour and the last test against South Africa at the Oval earlier this year have both yielded centuries, I would like to see the Yorkshire man given the nod ahead of Patel, who has struggled with bat and ball so far this series.

The biggest decision England face however is, should Stuart Broad retain his place?

The Nottinghamshire bowler, named vice captain for this tour, has been desperately short of pace and penetration in India despite taking 40 wickets in all Tests this year. England won comfortably last time out with Broad in the side, but the bowler was a passenger for most of the match. Panesar and Swann won’t take 19 wickets in every game and England need their seam attack to share the load in Kolkata.

Broad will feel aggrieved should he miss out, but Steve Finn was always meant to play in this series, only a thigh injury picked up on day one of this tour delayed his participation until now. Finn’s form on the ODI series in India 12 months ago was the highlight of a miserable 5-0 series whitewash here, taking 8 wickets at 31 runs apiece, and he has arguably been England’s stand out bowler this year across all formats as well.

Finn for Broad makes sense in the bowling department, but it does weaken the batting severely. In Finn, Panesar and Anderson, England have three rank tail-enders at the bottom of their batting line up.

Broad supporters might hope that England go with five bowlers, with Finn taking the place of either Patel or Bairstow with Prior moving up to six, but I cannot see England risking that. Whether England choose four bowlers of five (they won’t choose five), more runs are required from the batting order. Pietersen, Cook and Prior can’t score them all.

My England XI for Kolkata would be; Cook ©, Compton, Trott, Pietersen, Bell, Bairstow, Prior (+), Swann, Anderson, Finn, Panesar

The Day I Met Punter

Second highest run scorer in Test Cricket history,
Ponting retired from Internation cricket on 3rd December 2012

2nd May 2007. Australia had just won the ODI World Cup in Barbados and they were on their way home via London Heathrow.

How do I know this? Because I saw them there!

Back then, I was a 27 year old buck taking the young lady I now call my wife, Maria, on a trip of a lifetime to Thailand. As we stood in security control, waiting to have our bags checked, I had an “if Carlsberg did airport check-ins,” moment…

I looked to my left and there was a man. An absolute hulk in fact that made me – a modestly sized man – look like a cat in a pack of lions. It was Australian all-rounder Andrew Symonds, barely able to fit through the body x-ray machines, his shoulders as wide as I was tall.

Four days earlier, Symonds had contributed 23 runs and a wicket to the Australian 53 run drubbing of Sri Lanka, helping Ponting’s men to a third ODI World Cup in a row.

2007 was slap-bang in the middle of a golden era for Australian cricket of course. As well as their ODI crowns, the Aussies were in the process of going 16 Test matches unbeaten, a run spanning from December 2005 to January 2008, during which they managed a sketchy 5-0 series win over England I believe?

Anyway, as we continued through security, my excitement during what is normally one of the most tedious tasks known to modern man was elevated to ridiculously high proportions due to the presence of the entire Australian ODI squad. Nathan Bracken with his blond, Stuart Broad-esque locks glided past me, as did a young Michael Clarke and a not-so-young Glenn McGrath - surreal.

There I was stood in front of the entire Australian cricket squad, the best cricket side in the world. It would make sense for me, a massive cricket fan, to take photos, ask for autographs, talk to these legends, these champions. But no. I stuttered. I dawdled. I failed.

As we left passport control, the moment was over. The Aussies had buggered off into the Business Class area away from the riff-raff, my wife-to-be and I included.

But hang on a second, because there in front of me, large as life, was Ricky Ponting. Well, when I say large, he was no Andrew Symonds. Punter was my height, perhaps slightly taller, and resplendent in Australia’s green blazer. Without a baggy green adorning his head he was almost unrecognisable away from the cricket pitch.

“That’s Ricky Ponting,” I gasped to Maria.

My lady was - and still is - no cricket fan, so I had to elaborate. “He is the captain of Australia,” I exclaimed. “He has just lifted the cricket World Cup in the West Indies. He will go on to play an astonishing 168 Test matches, scoring 13,366 runs – the second highest run scorer in Test history behind only Sachin Tendulkar,” I concluded…ish.

“Go and get his autograph,” Maria urged. But what’s the point in an autograph? Years earlier I had asked boxer Nigel Benn to sign a one pound note when I met him in Jersey, but ended up having to spend it weeks later having fallen on tough times. As a result I don’t have a huge fondness for autographs, and so decided against getting Punter’s pawmark.

“Well, shall I take a photo of you with him?”, Maria continued. But that just felt too needy.

“Fuck it,” I said. “I’m going to shake his hand!”

Punter looked at me. I looked at him. I probably looked like a crazed, testosterone-fuelled teenager gawping at a girl he fancies but clearly stands no chance with. I walked towards him. He went to walk around me. I changed course and walked towards him. Like the teenager closing in on the girl, would Punter leave me hanging?

No. Like a gent he put out his hand. We shook. “Congratulations on the World Cup, Ricky,” I said. A mightily impressive achievement I thought, considering my social ineptitude.

“Ah, cheers mate," Punter replied in his thick, Tasmanian drool. Cool, calm and - let’s face it - completely uninterested as he was.

And with that, he headed off into Business Class, whilst Maria and I went off to find our cheap seats for Thailand.

Maria said yes to my eventual marriage proposal. But even better than that, some might say, was that she got me a handshake with one of my heroes, and I’ll always be thankful to her for that. Oh, and for having my two children, obviously.

Ricky Ponting is one of the finest Test batsmen I’ve ever seen. Tendulkar may have scored more runs than him but Punter’s fight sets him apart in my opinion. Ashes battles won’t be the same without him.

Go well in retirement, Punter.