Torres and the Ex, and other weekend favourites

Gary Neville has retired! Edwin Van Der Sar has also retired!!

Normally these would have been pretty big stories, but news that these two fine sportsman’s careers have drawn to an end has been drowned in the sea of money that’s been dished out as a result of Monday’s Transfer Deadline Day - sponsored by Sky Sports News, which has produced headlines of even more mouth-watering significance (allegedly!)

First Torres went to Chelsea, finally, after a week of posturing. Apparently they’d been flirting for 2 weeks. Slags. Oh well, at least they got it on in the end.

Carroll felt a little used and abused by his sudden ejection from St James Park. “We’ve had our fill love, here’s a tenner for the cab ride, all the best for the future,” said Mike Ashley and Alan Pardew, as they  counted the wheel-barrows full of cash that Liverpool had paid them for him. “Best get off to the casino MA,” professed Pardew, tongue firmly lodged in his bosses’ pants.

And Luiz Suarez finally signed on the dotted line for Liverpool on Monday too, after a week of treading water, like a ferry waiting out at sea for a liner to set sail and leave its dock free for it. “This is my patch now Fernando, sod off!”

All this makes for an intriguing weekend. I look forward immensely to Super Sunday (who’s presenting/punditing?!) to see Chelsea versus Liverpool at the Bridge This is going to be a Royal Rumble all right; can you imagine how Gerard et al feel towards Torres now?! Carragher also has a point to prove to the Spaniard, he said today it was “probably best all round” for Fernando to move on – may want to wear a box Fernando.



Smile! Ancelotti shows us his pearly whites. Nice.


Other highlights this weekend are the re-match of the Carling Cup Semi-Final; West Ham vs Birmingham. The former have a couple of new players and Robbie Keane in particular could be useful for them. Weird one for him though, if West Ham stay up, he has to stay with them. If he hates it there do you think he’ll stop trying? Or try and score an own goal or two at least?

The Toon take on Arsenal. No strikers left of note for Newcastle and an Arsenal team going from strength to strength – it can only be one result right? Yep, a home win - all day long.

Villa could be an interesting one, both in pretty good form but Fulham only have 1 win away from home in a year, so perhaps not.

And finally, for my brief and incomplete analysis (I’ve only got 500 words!), Wolves vs United. Massive game for Wolves - they’re bottom now. Any kind of result would give them a boost, whilst defeat might see them fall well off the cliff. I expect the latter, so get prepared for the Championship Mick and the gang (sorry chaps!)

Other than that, I think Stoke-Sunderland will be a draw, Everton to beat Blackpool, City to crush the Baggies, Spurs to beat Bolton and Blackburn to win away at Wigan.

523 words. Damn it! Have a good weekend